r. christmas in july

Jul. 15th, 2017 09:33 pm
[personal profile] thunderylee
i am rylee's social nonconformity.

225mg effexor + overtime = 24/7 exhaustion and no will to stay vertical, let alone rage blog.

the conspiracy theories have set in:

- doesn't medication just make us sit idly by and tolerate injustice?
- isn't the inevitable goal to brainwash all of society into existing in a particular way?
- aren't we simply gaslighting everyone into thinking we're disordered when we're only deviating from the norm?

when the entire foundation of one's identity is dependent on acceptance from others, xe's not the one w the problem. xe was perfectly content doing xemself until someone came along and told them it was wrong. even if xe was a strong mfkr and "i eat haters for breakfast," xe's bound to question their mindset after so long of unsolicited personal criticism from (so-called) friends, employers, and basically everyone xe interacts w.

mb the dsm-vi should debut a "social conformity disorder," a condition in which a person experiences severe dysphoria unless everyone around them talks, walks, and shits the exact way xe believes they should. one of the deciding criteria would definitely be forcefully expressing these "rules" to loved ones or social media followers, in the form of "concern," and harshly judging those who oppose xem.

how much effexor would we be prescribing then?

at a conference that allegedly celebrated gender diversity, an intersex facilitator described autism as "people who don't care about others." at the time i was livid, bc i cared too much about this horrible impression of an entire neurological group, but the more i try to adapt to this world that was clearly not built for me, the more i agree w that very simplistic assessment.

it's not that i don't care about others. i just don't care about others who don't care about me.

when my personal comfort is inexplicably dependent on the consideration of the people around me, passersby w children, the person who installs lighting fixtures for businesses, and that patron 3 tables over who takes a picture in my direction, i will absolutely pick and choose to whom i give my limited fucks. bc all those ppl have the power to fry my brain w the decisions they make.

and neurotypical ppl get to say that it's too difficult to accommodate my "sensitivity." i'm the one who has to learn how to deal w it, bc "you can only control yourself." additionally, i'm mocked and bullied for "getting upset over nothing" by lashing out when i'm already overloaded and unable to change my environment to stabilize and recharge.

you're damn right i don't care about someone who dismisses my agency so easily. i don't care about social graces and etiquette and professionalism. i won't "unfollow but stay friends" just to save face. i won't "agree to disagree" when it comes to basic human rights. i'm not going to waste an iota of my time or energy on anyone who thinks they can dictate another person's thoughts, feelings, or boundaries.

tbh, i think nt's are the weird ones for being fake and kissing ass to be well liked, but i have no idea what it's like to have a brain that doesn't react and self-destruct by every single sensory trigger, so i can't speak for their mindsets.

i will not rise to your society-shaping bait, modern psychology. i still care about equality and world peace and diverse education. i may suffer 40+ hours a week for a paycheck, but i speak out against the capitalism that requires it. i meticulously arrange my limited spoons so i can handle my business, volunteer, socialize (w worthy individuals), practice self-care, and pay attention to my kitty w/o falling apart. i am a human rights activist, an incorrigible dreamer, an obsessive planner, and a protector of both the weak and the strong who need to be reminded they're valid.

no, i won't learn your degrading "social skills" that leave me more anxious than my last group of so-called friends did. i won't pretend to be nice to anyone who's purposely being rude. i reject this society's rules of hierarchical authority, heteronormativity, gender, and any forced behavior that is designed to mask one's true feelings or intentions. i spend 90% of my brainpower tolerating the bright lights and loud noises of this world--i'm not abt to use what's left to fit into the collective narrow perception of human interaction.

shout out to my assbag psychiatrist for upping my dosage to where i literally do not expend any energy on what anyone else thinks of me. it's a daily (hourly) struggle to not walk out on my job, and i still have frustrating misunderstandings all. the. time., but i don't hate myself anymore and i'm not jumping thru fiery hoops to save one-sided friendships. i no longer get mad when someone i valued as a decent human being disrespects me or my identity--i ghost xyr ass and move on. life's too short to devote precious energy to someone who invalidates me as a person. i'm not here for that mess.

i'm content w the company i keep and the causes i support. i could probably lead a revolution, if only i wasn't so goddamn tired all the time.
beren_writes: Manga portraits of Harry and Draco (Default)
[personal profile] beren_writes
I realised I remembered to post this everywhere except on DW and LJ - opps - sorry.


Free Fiction Friday


From now on the 1st Friday of every month will be Free Fiction Friday over at Wittegen Press. This means we will be posting a new short story every month for our readers to enjoy.

These stories are exclusively for subscribers of our newsletter, but it is really easy to join.

It is completely free to become a member and all you need is a valid email address. Fill in this form at Wittegen Press and you’re done (sorry I can't just include it here - LJ & DW do not like forms). Don't worry if you join after the 1st Friday, the password for the month will be included in the welcome email after you subscribe.

What we WILL DO for our subscribers:

  • Send you an email on the 1st Friday of the month to remind you about the short story and give you the password for the month as soon as the story goes live.
  • Send you information about new books, competitions and events, so you don’t miss anything.
  • Give you two Free eBooks just for joining.

What we WON’T DO to our subscribers:

  • Spam you with loads of random advertising.
  • Reveal your email adress to anyone else.

This Month's Short Story

Dance of the Dead
by Natasha Duncan-Drake
Genre: sci-fi, paranormal
Length: ~2K wds

Description:
A planet torn by war and a lost courier bring Jagati and her squad to a recent battlefield. The dead call to her, but she and her people have a job to do first.

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