dusk037: (*pensive* (Oguri Shun))
This IS long, but I trust hope trust you will take the time to read it.

...

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

"Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well."

"An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching."

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves."

"Be the change that you want to see in the world."

"Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances."

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

"We may have our private opinions but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?"

--Mohandas Gandhi


...

Ganked those from the lovely [personal profile] steinsgrrl. I was reading her post and it got me thinking...


Things happened recently and I now know that... as I am, I'm more of a liability than a friend.

I know that something's wrong with me and that I should change it. I was (or still am?) stuck in the mentality that I should change to gain the approval of those around me; and with that in mind, I was never able to move forward. With my insecurities, and the thought of not being able to please, I kept on doing the same (wrong) thing that back then... I didn't know (or won't accept) that were wrong.

Thankfully, I had someone --who shares somewhat similar insecurities as I do-- tell me that I should not aim to please. That I should change not for the people who thinks (or in my case, knows) that I should; but, that I should do it for me.

So yeah. I'm going to take this leap. For myself. For the better.

I should be strong... but my definition of the word is not ideal for the change that I'm going to do. I suffered blows to my self-esteem before and I haven't really gotten over those yet. I find I can't forgive myself for the mistakes I  made/make, because I don't feel worthy of anything. So... I need to learn to forgive myself, before anything else; as based on this: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

I need to do this for myself, and I should deal with myself on my own... but I'm not going to deny: I need friends. I understand if you want to get away from me, faulty/weak/insecure/burden as I am, but I'm not going to pretend it won't hurt. I need friends now, more than ever, to stay with me. And I need someone I can trust to kick me (but gently, please!), when I do fall away.

It'll be hard, and oh soooooo frustrating, because patience is not my virtue. It will be tough and it will not happen overnight; hell, I know I may --once in a while-- fall off the wagon.



If you made it until here, then, thank you. Take a cookie. And have my heart.

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