The fuse called regret

dusk037 @ 2012-11-15T00:07:00

2012-11-14T16:33:28Z

So I mentioned in a couple posts back that I joined a speed-writing challenge called "shiritori." (...and it will be my turn again s**n ~~*dreads it*~~).
This is the one I wrote (originally posted here).

Title: (If anyone has a better suggestion other than "Surprise!" please come forward)
Author: miss zero / dusk037
Pairing: Ren/Miko (only if you squint)
Word count: 705
Rating: Gen
Genre: Fluff. Cavity-inducing fluff.
Beta: None. Yet.
Disclaimer: (Ikemen desu ne, its drama characters and/or the actors playing them are) not mine, no matter how I wish otherwise.

( Ren snaps back into attention. )

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"to someday for somebody, to somewhere for something..."

2012-08-30T13:27:39Z

I had the sudden... craving for this song. This particular performance of said song... well, because Kame. Should be enough reason, right? :')

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[one-shot] Last Waltz

2012-05-01T10:53:28Z

Title: Last Waltz
Pairing: Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya; Jin/OC
Word count: 3,271
Rating: PG
Warnings: Character death. A bit of angst. Messed-up tenses. Heavily glossed-over illness.
Notes: Written for sheenalinh over at kizuna_exchange. It's posted here. Thank you for holding my hand through this, Jo. And thank you to Nhixxie for looking this over, and assuring me that it wasn't so bad.

c/p from my notes at the exchange: If you happen to recognize something from another fic, you’re probably right. Or if, by chance, you don’t know what I’m talking about—go read it here. I lay no claim over it; and while I could never hope to live up to its epicness, this wouldn’t have taken shape if I didn’t stumble across it.

These songs accompanied me as I wrote. Give them a listen as you read along. :)
For My Dearly Departed / In die Nacht / Last Waltz

Summary: Jin visits memories on the seaside.

( When the waltz is over and the lovers die-- you can be a lifesaver. )

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dusk037 @ 2012-04-26T04:07:00

2012-04-25T20:09:13Z

Title: (refer to cut text)
Pairing: Akanishi Jin/Kamenashi Kazuya
Word count: 152
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Notes: A very late birthday-thing for Nhixxie, and inspired by a night of playing Tokio Hotel's In die Nacht on loop. Originally posted on my tumblr.

( #nowplaying - In die Nacht )

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blinded by the GHEI

2012-03-08T06:00:28Z

...

PV for Arashi's Wild at Heart? Check.
Don't let the somber suits at the beginning fool you. This is Arashi we're talking about, after all. :p

Ultra-shiny costumes? Check.
Wacky dance steps? Check.
Colorful box in which the ALL squish in? Check.
~~ORGY~~ cuddle party inside the box? Hmmm, bright idea. >:Db

...

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o_0

2012-02-22T19:01:54Z

...

...

Um. Yes. It's that day.
A certain turtle turns 26 today.

There are many things I want to say. About how much I adore you. And maybe wax poetic about the way you make my heart race/melt/flutter— pretty much all at the same time. But I’ll just let the thousands of others do that. I share the sentiment anyway. :p

Cheers. Happy birthday, Kame. :3

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Fandom Snowfake Challenge #14

2012-01-16T17:47:48Z

Day 14

In your own space, ask for help.

*points to a locked post before this one* ...but that was mostly personal-- does it still count the for "fangirling purposes"?

Welp, if not-- well. Remember my post for day 9? No beta there-- I feel like there's something missing? Am I doing something wrong? Or do I leave it as it is? orz orz

Also, I've been wanting to make banners/wallpapers and I don't know where to even begin. I feel like PhotoStudio's about to eat me whole when I use it (orz *is such a noob*).

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Fandom snowflake challenge #9. And #10. And #11, too.

2012-01-11T07:14:27Z

Did day 9 yesterday. *points to the (f-locked) entry before this or at tumblr*

...

Day 10

In your own space, talk about a creator. Show us why you think they are amazing.

I know many amazing creators, and most of them are already here. I'm awed that I'm even friends with them. :')

It's hard to choose just one, but here--

--Nhixxie makes fic(lettes), graphics (that may or may not accompany those fic(lettes)), macros, and fanvids. She also does covers of some songs (I never tire of her rendition of Jin's Eternal-- in English). Most of her work are on Tumblr, but she also has a fic comm (which I linked in Day 1).

...

Day 11

In your own space, ask for recs.

I actively search out for KAT-TUN, Arashi, and Tokio Hotel. There's one I wanna get to know, but I dunno where to begin. Please rec vids, fics, even picture posts of Tegomass/NEWS. :3

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Fandom Snowfake Challenge #7. And #8.

2012-01-08T12:11:30Z

( You get random bullets. Just because. )

...

Day 7

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Drop a link to your wish-list in this post.

I'm all grabby hands here.

I just want a crossover of sorts, in which these lovely German boys (Tokio Hotel) meet with these beautiful Japanese boys (KAT-TUN/Arashi/NEWS/Akanishi Jin/Shirota Yuu). It doesn't matter how/why/when. It can be cracky or serious, just as long as their paths cross and they interact with each other.
Somebody fic this, pretty please? *puppy eyes*

...

Day 8

In your own space, talk about a talent (or talents) you have. Everyone's got something they're good at.

I've got good hands-- at least that's what the people who experienced my shoulder rub/massage says. ;)

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Fandom Snowfake Challenge #6

2012-01-06T18:46:43Z

Day 6

In your own space, rec at least 3 fanworks you thought you wouldn't like (because they weren't your fandom or they pushed against your boundaries or you thought you just wouldn't be interested) and that you ended up loving.

If someone put Ryo/Kame fic to my face a few months ago, I would've laughed. And skipped reading. But I just read this fic some time today, and I liked it. The pairing wasn't one I'd normally ship, let alone look at, but somehow I got suckered into reading it. It was a pleasant surprise. :) <3
Fic linked is "Motor Control" by takethasuckah . Nishikido Ryo/Kamenashi Kazuya. AU. Ryo. Wonky, general misuse of medical terminology (from author's warnings).

I was hesitant to click on this and read, because one certain element threw me off. I'm not into Mpreg at all, and this fic had it. I'm glad I went on and read it anyway, because it was surprisingly good. Kind of cracky (since it's Underland, and all), but so much awesomesauce.
Fic linked is "The Mad Hatter's Child" by fyredancer . Tom/Bill. Crack, mpreg, alternate universe, twincest not related (from author's warnings).

I didn't know what I was in for when I first clicked to see this fanvid. I'm only beginning to enjoy Kanjani8 as a band, and I was curious of the vid title. I got hooked by the song used, and the way the creator used clips from the Fight for the Eight PV. <3

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Fandom Snowfake Challenge #5

2012-01-05T15:40:49Z

Day 5

In your own space, share something non-fannish you are passionate about with your fannish friends.

...

Can reading be counted as non-fannish? No? Well I'll just have to come up with something else entirely, y/y?

Let's see.

One.
I like food. I prefer eating, really, but it's quite fun munching on something I worked hard for. I help out on my parents' catering business when they have a catering job. They also let me loose in the kitchen once in a while, cooking up a viand or two, but with their guidance. I still have much to learn, but I'm enjoying it the best I can. :3

Two.
I dabble in writing. I mostly write poems (and, more recently, fics), but yes, I like writing.
The only time I fully acted on that passion was in high school, in which I participated in the school paper as a features writer. That was also the time I was chosen as editor in chief. To this day I don't know why the school paper adviser chose me of all people, but it was an okay experience. XD;

Three.
Origami. I only know how to make stars and paper cranes, but I like it. Keeps my hands busy during dead hours of the day; very useful gifts, too. ;)

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Fandom Snowfake Challenge #4

2012-01-04T16:39:11Z

Day 4

Introduce yourself to someone you admire and friend/follow them on whatever platform you use - journal or Twitter or Tumblr or whatever. Afterwards, leave a comment in this post with the equivalent of "I did it!"

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Fandom Snowfake Challenge #2

2012-01-03T03:10:12Z

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you did not create. Drop a link to your post in the comments. See if you can rec fanworks that are less likely to be praised: tiny fandoms, rare pairings, fanworks other than stories, lesser known kinks or tropes. Find fanworks that have few to no comments, or creators new to a particular fandom and maybe aren't well known or appreciated. Appreciate them.

...

A fanvid to accompany the In-progress fic, Bulletproof Redemption, made by the same author. The fic's in the same comm.
It shows great promise, the vid and the fic, so much so that I will wait how ever long it takes until it's done.

Another fanvid of a rare!pair, Tanaka/Taguchi (or denden for the hardcore shippers ♥). Samurai-era!Denden this way comes. >:)

All hail the General. This is a gathering of posts that pimp out Nakamaru Yuichi, KAT-TUN member and human beatbox expert. And General of the Army (of love). ;)

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Ode to My Beloved

2012-01-02T09:09:30Z

A repost of fic-inspired poetry I made a couple of years back. >:)

Here's the fic that inspired me. Wer Bin Ich by steinsgrrl.

Words
have long since
fled my conscious
as I look into
your dark, mysterious
eyes

You take a step
and everyone stops
to stare,
Awestruck by your
otherworldly
flair.

With your ethereal
beauty...
Every sight, sound
each thought
that passes
becomes secondary.

I could go on,
form words that
would be half-assed at best
--thinking up of ways to compare...
and still come up with
none.

I've left my thoughts
and then I'm back
to laying in the dark.

A smile
escapes my lips,
as the arms that tighten around me
remind me...
That you are mine
and that I am yours.

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Snowflake challenge: day 1

2012-01-02T09:04:34Z

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created

I'm a newbie to writing fic. I've only recently started writing my own, and so far, I've finished two fics. Both drabble-sized and pretty angsty. orz orz

For My Dearly Departed. JE. Ikuta Toma/Yamashita Tomohisa.

Ode to My Beloved. Poetry inspired by Mel's Bill/Gerog fic, Wer Bin Ich.

Last Waltz. JE. Akame. Inspired by soundczech's Seachange.

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On realizations. And the much needed change/s.

2010-10-07T17:38:22Z

This IS long, but I ~~trust~~ ~~hope~~ trust you will take the time to read it.

...

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

"Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well."

"An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching."

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves."

"Be the change that you want to see in the world."

"Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances."

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

"We may have our private opinions but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?"

--Mohandas Gandhi

...

Ganked those from the lovely steinsgrrl. I was reading her post and it got me thinking...

Things happened recently and I now know that... as I am, I'm more of a liability than a friend.

I know that something's wrong with me and that I should change it. I was (or still am?) stuck in the mentality that I should change to gain the approval of those around me; and with that in mind, I was never able to move forward. With my insecurities, and the thought of not being able to please, I kept on doing the same (wrong) thing that back then... I didn't know (or won't accept) that were wrong.

Thankfully, I had someone --who shares somewhat similar insecurities as I do-- tell me that I should not aim to please. That I should change not for the people who thinks (or in my case, knows) that I should; but, that I should do it for me.

So yeah. I'm going to take this leap. For myself. For the better.

I should be strong... but my definition of the word is not ideal for the change that I'm going to do. I suffered blows to my self-esteem before and I haven't really gotten over those yet. I find I can't forgive myself for the mistakes I made/make, because I don't feel worthy of anything. So... I need to learn to forgive myself, before anything else; as based on this: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

I need to do this for myself, and I should deal with myself on my own... but I'm not going to deny: I need friends. I understand if you want to get away from me, faulty/weak/insecure/burden as I am, but I'm not going to pretend it won't hurt. I need friends now, more than ever, to stay with me. And I need someone I can trust to kick me (but gently, please!), when I do fall away.

It'll be hard, and oh soooooo frustrating, because patience is not my virtue. It will be tough and it will not happen overnight; hell, I know I may --once in a while-- fall off the wagon.

If you made it until here, then, thank you. Take a cookie. And have my heart.

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