The fuse called regret

Kay lives!

My first post in a long while is fic. I'm not sorry. >.>
I finally finished this; I started writing it two years ago for the donation drive that jpnforph led for Typhoon Haiyan victims, but then things happened.

Title: Kiss Kiss Kiss (×5)
Pairing/group: Team all the pairings! \o/ (Well, Nakamaru/Ueda if you squint)
Rating/warnings: PG-13 (for the most part). Kisses - lots of it.
Word count: 976 words
Notes: The warning above pretty much summarizes the fic. ;) Title and cut text shamelessly stolen from KT and kisumai songs.
For je_levy. I should also thank Joo, Sara, and AJ for letting me pester them with this (aka for looking it over for me and cheering so I can finish it) - this is equally dedicated for you. ♥

...

( 速く, kiss me. )

...

:3/

Title: A Scandal in Kanagawa
Author: miss zero / dusk037
Pairing: Koyama/Shige bff-ery
Word count: 333
Rating: Gen
Beta: None. Yet.
Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine. An old man named Johnny Kitagawa does.
Notes: Lots of references to BBC Sherlock, which I also don't own. 

( In which KoyaShige become Sherlock fanboys )

orz

I dread this part, mostly, but I just did one. Today. 

If I removed you and you want to stay friended, let me know. Otherwise, I'm sorry, and I hope that when we meet again, I can be a better friend for you. orz

This IS long, but I trust hope trust you will take the time to read it.

...

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

"Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well."

"An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching."

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves."

"Be the change that you want to see in the world."

"Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances."

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

"We may have our private opinions but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?"

--Mohandas Gandhi

...

Ganked those from the lovely steinsgrrl. I was reading her post and it got me thinking...


Things happened recently and I now know that... as I am, I'm more of a liability than a friend.

I know that something's wrong with me and that I should change it. I was (or still am?) stuck in the mentality that I should change to gain the approval of those around me; and with that in mind, I was never able to move forward. With my insecurities, and the thought of not being able to please, I kept on doing the same (wrong) thing that back then... I didn't know (or won't accept) that were wrong.

Thankfully, I had someone --who shares somewhat similar insecurities as I do-- tell me that I should not aim to please. That I should change not for the people who thinks (or in my case, knows) that I should; but, that I should do it for me.

So yeah. I'm going to take this leap. For myself. For the better.

I should be strong... but my definition of the word is not ideal for the change that I'm going to do. I suffered blows to my self-esteem before and I haven't really gotten over those yet. I find I can't forgive myself for the mistakes I  made/make, because I don't feel worthy of anything. So... I need to learn to forgive myself, before anything else; as based on this: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

I need to do this for myself, and I should deal with myself on my own... but I'm not going to deny: I need friends. I understand if you want to get away from me, faulty/weak/insecure/burden as I am, but I'm not going to pretend it won't hurt. I need friends now, more than ever, to stay with me. And I need someone I can trust to kick me (but gently, please!), when I do fall away.

It'll be hard, and oh soooooo frustrating, because patience is not my virtue. It will be tough and it will not happen overnight; hell, I know I may --once in a while-- fall off the wagon.



If you made it until here, then, thank you. Take a cookie. And have my heart.